love A deep, tender, ineffable feeling of affection and solicitude toward a person, such as that arising from kinship.

trust Firm reliance on the integrity, ability, or character of a person or thing.

respect To feel or show deferential regard for; esteem. To avoid violation of or interference with.

These three words are sometimes used interchangeably, though they have very different meanings. Additionally, the meanings themselves may differ from person to person. In the context of the fellowship of AA, this is what those words mean to me:

Love is what I feel for my fellow members of AA. I care about them, I will try to help them, I will listen to them, and I know they will do the same for me. Love also affords me the qualities of compassion and forgiveness. For example, I am able to understand why you took $10.00 out of my purse when I wasn’t looking, and I can forgive you for it.

Trust is developed over time. I don’t bare my soul to all members of the fellowship, nor do I expect them to do so with me. Trust is honesty with boundaries. For example, even though I can forgive you for taking $10.00 out of my purse, I won’t leave my purse unattended around you until I can trust you won‘t do it again..

Respect is grown from trust. I don’t respect all members of the fellowship, but those I do respect, I also love and trust. For example, if you admit to taking the $10.00 out of my purse, make restitution and make every effort to change your behavior, I can respect you.

If someone has hurt me or betrayed my trust or respect, they will have to earn it back -- just as I continue to try to earn back the respect and trust of those I hurt when I was drinking.

Love is freely given and received. Trust and respect are earned