Anyone else here dealing with an eating disorder along with their alcohol or drug addiction?

As in anorexic with bulemic tendencies?  Nope, not me, nu huh.  And from that statement, you can take it to mean, eya', ED here too.

*hugs*

OK I confess! I am poweless over dough nuts and my waistline is unmanageable!

Seriously, yes I have had to look at the fact that I often turn to food for comfort and to avoid feelings. I've also ignored food as a way to punish myself in the past.

I do try to work a program on it and have been to a few OA meetings but I am not ready to get as radical about it as some of the OA's Ive met are.

I have been able to get from 265 (please don't tell the wife!) to 215 and am still working on losing more.

I've also got to watch what I eat. My love for cheese, butter, cream and all those other cholesterol loaded things are a problem for me.

I often see the lack of food and the presence of serious hunger in my early childhood as root issues  and food is a security blanket for me.

As I've said before, "There a very few 12 step programs I could not find a seat in."

hobie

Thanks for your replies. it isnt talked about much and I wanted to know I wasnt alone in this and wanted to talk about it, but at the same time just dont know what to say. Thanks again for your replies and being here.

hugs

{{{{{{{{Kim}}}}}}}

You're right Kim, eating disorders along with SI/SA arent talked about much.  Again there seems to be a lot of stigma that goes with them.

My eating disorder got to the point where I was almost hospitalized.  It got to the point where even the act of swallowing my own saliva caused me to vomit (sorry for any graphics, trying not to get too descriptive).  It took a lot of work and a lot of time to start to regain some contol of my 'body' back.

One thing that kept my eating disorder going was all the compliments that I kept receiving!  Sounds strange I know.  About 9 years ago I weighed 323 lbs.  Well, I started to lose weight (not the healthy way) and I kept getting compliments about how great I was looking, how much healthier I looked, etc. etc. etc.  So my thinking (subconsciously) was that gee, I'm losing weight and getting all these compliments!!  So, it makes sense to me that if I lose even MORE weight, I'll get even more compliments!!  Makes sense dont it?

Now today, I basically eat what I want, when I want, and as much as I want.  The only difference is that I dont want as much as often.  And I have to be extremely careful about feeling 'full'.  If I get to the point of feeling full, I start thinking about purging, and that's not a good thing.

Another thing I have to watch is to make sure I eat.....a lot of the time I just can't be bothered.  Sounds like a contradiction to the above paragraph. lol  But it's true.  I just can't be bothered to eat a lot of the time.  And if I was living alone, I probably wouldn't eat the way I am now.....thankfully I have a wife who loves to cook!  I love to cook and love to do extravagant meals (I think a lot of people with eating disorders do this), but even when I do cook, I cant be bothered to eat it and will say that I'm not hungry, that I picked at the food while preparing it, etc.   When I come home from work to find a meal cooked and ready for me, I cant very well use that as an excuse. moo!

So, Kim, Hobie, as you know, we are not alone!  *hugs*

Thanks for the replies again. and thanks for being here.

I do not know about your corner of the world, but there is strong support in OA (Overeaters Anonymous) for anyone with an ED.

My sponsor's wife and several other friends of mine go there for just that reason.

As to being overwhelmed... Kim been there, (sometimes am there) and here is what I works for me.

When facing recovery from addictions (multiple), being an adult survivor, adult child, PTSD, depressive disorder, CoDependancy etc... It is easy for me to get overwhelmed.

If I am graced, the voice of Scotty (my #1 sponsor) pops into my head and asks "Are you fighting with the problem or living in the solution?" (He usually does his best work with questions like that.)

You see all of those issues have common roots, and a common solution (The 12 steps, the program, the fellowship).

When I admit I am powerless over anything excpet what I chose to do with THIS moment of my life the door opens for my solution.

I look at what I'm doing right NOW - non judgementally. I show myself the same love, caring and understanding (and strength) I would give to you or any other person in recovery.

I can ask myself many questions...

Have I taken the time to open myself through prayer and meditation to the guidiance, strength, love, forgivness or my HP? Or am I trying to be in charge?

Am I doing something productive, healing, creative... for my own good or the good of the world around me?

Am I being gentle on myself?

Am I taking care of myself as a good parent would? With good healthy food? Loving support? A safe environment? Forgivness? Reasonable discipline? Allowing for fun?

Am I isolating in my pain or am I reaching out to others?

Am I offering the same support as I am asking for?

Am I being Honest with myself and others?

Am I looking to see and do the next right thing?

Is there some work I can do on my steps?

Is there some reading I could do to help refocus my thinking ( the Big Book, some Daily meditation book, some spiritual writing... a post or blog on the Realm?)

Am I confused about what to do? Do i need to talk to my sponsor or someone else in my circle of support?

Am I acting midfully or impulsively?

WW*D? (*Jesus, my Sponsor, Budda, A Master, or anyother healthy role model)

When was the last time I had a laugh?

Heck by the time I am through taking this inventory and acting on it

There are many more questions I can ask myself, after a while it starts to become a simple awareness of what I am thinking/feeling/doing and a understanding of a basic fact. I can do what is better for me right now or I can hurt myself.

If I do what is better for me right now I can always save hurting myself for latter... when I get around to it.

May be I can procratinate in the right direction?

hobie

((((Mantis))))

What a powerful message!!!  Thanks so much for sharing that with us!