How To Be Annoying * Deliberately hum songs that will remain lodged in co-workers' brains, such as "Feliz Navidad", the Archies' "Sugar" or the Mr. Rogers theme song. * While making presentations, occasionally bob your head like a parakeet. * Lie obviously about trivial things such as the time of day. * Make beeping noises when a large person backs up. * Leave your Christmas lights up and lit until September. * Change your name to John Aaaaasmith for the great glory of being first in the phone book. Claim it's a Hawaiian name, and demand that people pronounce each A. * Sit in your front yard pointing a hair dryer at passing cars to see if they slow down. * Chew on pens that you've borrowed. * Invent nonsense computer jargon in conversations, and see if people play along to avoid the appearance of ignorance. * Ask to "interface" with someone. * Listen to 33rpm records at 45rpm speed, and claim the faster speed is necessary because of your "superior mental processing". * Sing along at the opera. * At a golf tournament, chant "swing-batatatatatata-suhWING-batter!" * Finish all your sentences with the words "in accordance with prophesy". * Ask the waitress for an extra seat for your "imaginary friend". * Go to a poetry recital and ask why each poem doesn't rhyme. * Ask your co-workers mysterious questions, and scribble their answers in a notebook. Mutter something about "psychological profiles". * Incessantly recite annoying phrases, such as "sticky wicket isn't ricket." * Stare at static on the TV and claim you can see a "magic picture". * Select the same song on the jukebox fifty times. * Scuff your feet on a dry, shaggy carpet and seek out victims. * Do not add any inflection to the end of your sentences, producing awkward silences with the impression that you'll be saying more any moment. * Never make eye contact. * Never break eye contact. * Signal that a conversation is over by clamping your hands over your ears. * Construct elaborate "crop circles" in your front lawn. * Construct your own pretend "tricorder", and "scan" people with it, announcing the results. * Give a play-by-play account of a person's every action in a nasal Howard Cossell voice. * Holler random numbers while someone is counting. * Make appointments for the 31st of September. * Invite lots of people to other people's parties. * Send fifty copies of this list to everyone you know. * Call in sick, then show up.