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clanmama 
Trusted Servant
Master MINION
Posts: 937
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| 04/03/2007 10:11 AM |
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Beattie's book, Beyond Codependency, explains how it is okay to change the rules (false beliefs) that we've learned from the past. It explains that we learn this gradually from people in our recovery support groups, counselors, healthy friends, and recovery literature and tapes. It also says that if we try to change our behaviours without changing the rules, we may find ourselves in conflict within ourselves.
The first new rule is that it is okay to change the rules (false beliefs). We have the power, the ability, and the right to change the rules. Whether we've been recovering for ten minutes or ten years, it is never too late or too early to assertively - even aggressively - change the rules. We can take back our personal power. We'll be empowered. And when we change the rules, our behaviors will change.
My new rules are:
- It's okay to feel my feelings and talk about them when it's safe and appropriate, and I want to.
- I can think, make good decisions, and figure things out.
- I can have, talk about, and solve my problems.
- It's okay for me to be who I am.
- I can make mistakes, be inperfect, sometimes be weak, sometimes be not so good, sometimes be better, and occasionally be great.
- It's okay to be selfish sometimes, put myself first sometimes, and say what I want and need.
- It's okay to give to others, but it's okay to keep some for myself too.
- It's okay for me to take care of me. I can say no and set boundaries.
- It's okay to have fun, be silly sometimes, and enjoy life.
- I can make good decisions about who to trust. I can trust myself. I can trust my Higher Power, even when it looks like I can't.
- I can be appropriately vulnerable.
- I can be direct and honest.
- It's okay for me to be close to some people.
- I can grow and change, even if that means rocking a bunch of boats.
- I can grow at my own pace.
- I can love and be loved. And I can love me, because I'm lovable. And I'm good enough.
I can solve problems and let go of the ones that I can't solve.
Working to change the old rules (false beliefs) helps us reclaim ourselves as well as our lifes.
Rules are rules....but some rules are made to be broken.
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carrie
Grand MINION
Posts: 517
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| 04/03/2007 5:34 PM |
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Good stuff in here. I can grow at my own pace, oh i like that one. I can grow and change, even if it means rocking boats............hmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmmm.....funny yesterday a friend of mine said to me Carrie, you do NOT have to prove to other's you are changing, what you are coming to terms with is Boundaries. And as you grow, you set them. And when you set them, other's will go away as they may not like the growing you. ARGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGGG I said....I had to do that when I first got sober !!!! You mean I have to grow thru more loss? Yes was the answer I got. It was not what I wanted to hear. Working on growing up is not as easy as it appeared to be. And at the same time, I'm not that same person I was. I AM changing, I AM growing, and many do not understand me now....that sux at times. But I remind myself, its okay Carrie, a true friend, family member, etc.......WILL love you no matter what.
I have this song I listen to alot these days...It is called Season's Change, and ya know what? They do, and so do people, and today I am thankful that through pain, I am growing and today, I do not owe anyone an explanation, and today I will respect myself, because I MATTER..............hugs and gentle warm hugs |
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To a desolate person an act of kindness can be the difference between getting bitter and getting better.............. |
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kim
Junior REALMite
Posts: 0
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| 04/27/2007 3:19 PM |
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| thanks for sharing this clanmama and for your share Carrie. I could relate alot. Thanks for sharing that it gave me a little hope today that things I am doing and trying to do for me is OKAY! |
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curt
Trusted Servant
Junior REALMite
Posts: 10
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| 06/27/2007 6:31 PM |
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| Is it really true? Have people out there really learned to live with rules like these? For some reason, I have chosen to not believe it is possible. Now, I've changed, it seems - a miracle? So where does one go from here? (Obviously the twelve steps) Haha, some of those rules listed above seem so mysterious! Wow. I read these, and my mind recoils. It says, "NO! It's not OK". Even though every 'rational' part of me says, "Of course", some hidden ... ha, great big scary guy is saying "don't even think about it!" You know what it really feels like is that if I were able to give myself permission, and I actually did, to live those rules, some gigantic ugly irruption of anger and hatred, or something, would pour out of me. And that somehow it would assault people, and, ha, I would be evil. Hmmm, I seem pretty powerful wielding that evil. You know what I think? I'm insane, haha, freakin' nuts. How do ya' get emoticons in here? |
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