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Subject: You are NOT Welcome ?
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recoveryrealm User is Offline
Site Admin
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Posts: 1000277

07/12/2007 10:31 PM Alert 

RecoveryRealm or any of it's Monitors do NOT tell anyone, who has a desire to recover and are reaching out for help, that  they are not  Welcome to the site , the Message Forums or its Chat Rooms.

If you have heard this Rumour it's Simply NOT true !

May  I remind those who  partake in the spreading of rumours and those who listen  and sit in judgement that : 

"There is a principle which is a bar against all information, which is proof against all arguments and which can not fail to keep a man in everlasting ignorance-that principle is contempt prior to investigation."

Most people know that it's  really easy to be misunderstood in online texting.

You know, you say something meant to be funny, but the other person thinks you're serious. Or you write something innocent, and the receiver "reads into" the message anger, frustration, ridicule or worse.

The reasons are well known: People treat chat rooms and message forums like face-to-face communication.

We're used to saying things out loud and having our intentions, mood and demeanor correctly interpreted by the person we're speaking with. But when you strip away facial cues, social context, tone of voice and other information, people can easily misunderstand.

Both sender and receiver tend to automatically fill in the "tone" of text conversation — but they're not getting information about the tone from the text itself.

They're basically making it up based on how they feel or what they fear, not what's actually being said.

It can happen to anyone.

Here's the worst part: Most of the text conversations go unchallenged. You might be angering people, bruising egos or burning bridges and you'll never even know it ! Unless the rumour gets back to you.

Don't get angry from any text message, then reply or share with others based on your anger. First find out the intent of the sender by asking for clarification.

Recovery Realm was established to communicate not miscommunicate.

When anyone, anywhere, reaches out for help, We  want the hand of recovery always to be there. And for that: We are responsible.

 



Be Part of the Solution...Not the Problem !
Carol User is Offline
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Grand Master MINION
Grand Master MINION
Posts: 1253

07/12/2007 10:51 PM Alert 
Well said!!!

Be the change you wish to see in the world ...Gandhi
kim User is Offline
Junior REALMite
Junior REALMite
Posts: 0

07/12/2007 11:37 PM Alert 

Great post, thank you!

Glenn H User is Offline
Supreme MINION
Supreme MINION
Posts: 161

07/13/2007 5:05 AM Alert 

I heard that Carol and Kim were minion wizards! Let me look and see. YEP they are minion wizards all right!  LOL!!!!

 

Great post!   I have come to believe it is none of my bussiness what others say about me. It was said that I am fat and balding! LOL yet when I look in the mirror I love the man I see today. Thats a far cry from how I felt years ago!..Thanks to AA and God and all of you.

 

Namaste


Center your heart, and cultivate your spirit.
Larry User is Offline
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Master MINION
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Posts: 721

07/13/2007 8:01 AM Alert 

Great post. I've seen it happen many times. Someone says something and the fight is on. The sad part is that the original statement was taken totally out of context. It could have all been avoided if someone asked a simple question. I know for myself, I sometimes have a hard time putting my thoughts into the right words. It comes out wrong and I have to clarify.


It's a good day to be sober
stickmonkey User is Offline
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07/13/2007 12:14 PM Alert 
I agree.
Melanie User is Offline
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PRINCESS
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Posts: 20517

07/14/2007 12:36 PM Alert 

Well said as usual Dear:)


" The only thing necessary for evil to triumph is for enough good men to do nothing."
chelle User is Offline
MINION Wizard
MINION Wizard
Posts: 302

07/14/2007 8:08 PM Alert 

Great post. I myself always worry that something I say may be misinterpreted or offensive.

thanks RecoveryRealm

love and hugs,

chelle


I've never dropped anyone I believed in... Marilyn Monroe
AngelOfRecovery User is Offline
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10/17/2007 11:52 AM Alert 

I am loving this site so far and have not been offended  by anything or anyone.  Everyone I have met on here has been nothing short of fabulous!!  Thank you for the post, it was very interesting, however I hope it is never a problem for me. 

Much, Much love

Katie

Hobie User is Offline
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Posts: 599

10/17/2007 2:23 PM Alert 

A most excellent post!

I will take what is here one step further and request that if at any time I say something that is perceived to be out of line, offensive or just plain "wrong" the offended person (or anyone else) has my blessing to question me and if necessary, confront me. (One of our "Angels in Red or not.) Or if you feel uncomfortable with that, ask one of the monitors to talk with me.

I am not one of those folk in AA who will cry "Do Not take my inventory!", because you may see a defect of character I need help with, or may be some "tell" that my issues are getting the better of me. In such a case you would be helping me to become a better individual and a more effective member of this fellowship and society.

By helping me you are, in turn, helping yourself.

One of the things that always makes me cringe is when a fellow goes out and someone has the nerve to say, "I knew they would! I could see it coming!" and they said nothing to the individual that went out.

If you see smoke tell someone there might be a fire smoldering! Especially if it's my butt that's starting to burn!

hobie


What I am recovering is my life!
What I have recovered is my soul!
alasvegasdriver1@aol.com User is Offline
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Posts: 2

12/30/2007 12:28 PM Alert 
Very good to hear this....I have been around for alot of 24's so my skin is a bit thicker then some. So I really do not care what others may think of me. However, when I first came into recovery my skin was thin and bruised easily.
Be careful what you may say to people because one never knows what might send them back out into the hostile world of active addictions.
lovleemom User is Offline
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Posts: 22

06/02/2009 10:24 PM Alert 
I always felt welcome in the Realm, until one night, I was privatly messaged and asked about my motives concerning someone I consider a good friend. Although, it was not the business of the person messaging me to do so, I was offended. I felt an underlying "controling" atmosphere in the chat room. Actually I felt sorry for the person asking the question. We are all at different places in our path of recovery, I understand that. I would like to say that I can totally keep principles over personalities, in this case my heart was broken.
I've been told by a wise sponsor that if I have to get others on my side in a situation, I'm probably wrong. So, I have prayed for the wisdom to hold my tounge. I am human, with defects, and I realize others are also. Sometimes it's just hard for me to forgive and forget. I'll be back to chat, my heart won't feel the same. It's not a matter of being thin skinned for me, it's just a matter of disappointment and disillusionment. I love the Recovery Realm, it is here to save lives, and has saved my ass more than once.

It's a Heart Thing

My Worst day Sober is Better than my Best day Drunk
susan lauren User is Offline
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Junior REALMite
Posts: 30

06/05/2009 1:08 AM Alert 
I am learning that whenever I am disturbed, there is something wrong within me. The longer I am around these rooms, the more I know the truth about that statement. Many times the thing I don't like in someone else has become a mirror for that same thing I do not like in myself (i.e., one of my character defects).

I am also learning that if I don't clarify my assumptions, then I am likely to make mistake after mistake. The English language is not an easy language and there is plenty of room for incorrect interpretation. Patience and tolerance go a long way in relationships.

Many times others can see in me what I cannot see in myself -- I have my "blind spots" so to speak. I have asked my sponsor to speak with me -- confront me if necessary -- if she sees warning signs or red flags in something I am doing, saying, feeling, etc. I want people in my life who care enough about me to say something to me when it is needed.

i certainly do not want to go back to my old life. susan lauren
Carol User is Offline
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Grand Master MINION
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Posts: 1253

06/05/2009 9:23 AM Alert 

Well said, Susan. 


Be the change you wish to see in the world ...Gandhi
jst2dz User is Offline
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Junior REALMite
Posts: 4

07/20/2009 6:15 PM Alert 
hi its just me 2d and i hope im stickin this in the right spot WOW!!! this is the Coolest place IM talkin to All You who Built it and all You who work it. im hopin every time you you turn it on YOU just get charged up in AWE of Yourself !!!! im talkin to ya from my heart I am in AWE of all ya its obvious to me recovery realm is a product of truley healthy really SMART folks livin the truth walkin the walk i ve been chatin here a litle over a month and at times my typin, spellin and slang way of talkin,twist up my meaning from the words , sometimes i think that im bein funny and my intent is interpited disrespectfly. for me chattin in the realm brings some relief to my new found sober,,, for the time im here i can make a conection be enlightened and also gratafied to learn ive got some wisdom of my own to offer. for me its learning theres somthin about me ....i got more to me then jack and the dope .learnin whats funny and whats not .AShton i apologize for callin you dad when you scolded me thank you this place rocks !!! 2d
Hobie User is Offline
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Grand MINION
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Posts: 599

08/05/2009 2:53 PM Alert 

I recently heard this in a meeting and had to agree -

If I'm surrounded by a bunch of people with a problem - may be I'm the problem...

Had to nodd on that one.

 

 


What I am recovering is my life!
What I have recovered is my soul!
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