When I drank I used to turn to booze to take away that feeling of emptiness and self loathing. I might go to a bar filled with “buddies” or a party with my “friends” but as soon as that drink was set in front of me that’s all that mattered – all those people might as well have disappeared.
By the end of the night I was there, alone again with my empty bottle and feeling even more empty and lone.
My drinking and the insanity that came with it built walls around me that no one could climb over, no matter how much they loved me or wanted to reach out to me.
My behavior, my madness, my self loathing drove people away… And I’d get angry at them and myself and drink more and act all the more insane.
Today is so different.
I have found a family within AA that understands me (when I’m not trying to be terminally unique) and accepts me as I am. I have been to meetings from L.A. to Boston, and no matter where I go I find myself at home.
Through their love and understanding, through the steps they have taught me and helped me walk through, through their patience and occasional prodding, I have grown and changed to become a person who can open up to love and reach out.
Today I am blessed with a large family outside of AA. My sons, once afraid of me (for good reason) talk to me on a regular basis and are glad to call me Dad. There are many kids I have been graced with the chance to mentor, be there for them as they grew. Many of them call me Dad as well. And I know that I have been able to help them through some of the challenges of growing up, some of them with some serious challenges.
I have a wife who has stood by me through some of the rough times in my sobriety, who loves the man I am and cherishes the gifts given to me by my recovery.
I have many friends and acquaintances, in and out of the rooms of AA that I can spend time with, talk to, play with and enjoy the time that my sobriety has given me.
It is who AA has enabled me to become that person.
You no longer need to stand alone. You need never face another night in the cold and dark, or have to turn to a bottle for false comfort. We are here for you. Sit, relax and know that no matter what tomorrow may bring there is no burden you need to carry alone anymore.
I hope to see you in the rooms here on the realm, with luck I hope to meet you in the rooms of AA.
Until then I have you in my prayers.
Your Brother in Recovery
hobie