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Subject: Old Behaviors
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Carol User is Offline
Trusted Servant
Grand Master MINION
Grand Master MINION
Posts: 1253

01/15/2007 8:08 PM Alert 
Among the many blessings I have received in sobriety is the ability to recognize the patterns and triggers of my old behavior , and to be able to choose not to indulge in that behavior.

When I did my 4th step, it was easy for me to see what those patterns were; for example:

Blaming others for my deficiencies

Expecting others to act the way I thought they should

Accepting blame, but not responsibility

Feeling victimized when others disagreed with me

Expecting others to intuitively know what was bothering me, and being hurt and disappointed when they didn’t

Expecting others to always like me

As you can imagine, I spent a lot of time wallowing in self-pity in the bottom of a vodka bottle, asking God “Why Me??”, and not doing anything constructive to change myself or the situation.

Today, I have a choice -- I can either indulge in those self-destructive activities, or I can try to take constructive action. The tools provided by working the Steps have kept me from having to go back to that way of thinking. I am now able to see that it’s not all about me -- I’m not perfect, life isn’t perfect, and the sooner I accept that fact, the happier I am. I can’t change the world -- I can only change how I think about the world.

My sponsor used to say “It’s not old behavior if you’re still doing it”. I use that saying as a yardstick to measure my spiritual growth -- if I continue the old behavior, I’ll wind up in the same old place.

Today, I don’t choose to go there.

 


Be the change you wish to see in the world ...Gandhi
recoveryrealm User is Offline
Site Admin
Site Admin
Posts: 1000277

01/31/2007 12:03 AM Alert 

 

Sooner or later, every person we know will disappoint us in some way. They'll say something or fail to say something that will hurt us. And they'll do something or fail to do something that will anger us. It's inevitable, we are alcoholic.

Unfortunately, as alcoholics, we  make things worse when we stew over someone's words and deeds. When wedwell on a rude remark or an insensitive action made by another person, we're headed for deeper problems.

In fact, the more you dwell on these things, the more bitter you'll get.

You'll find your joy, peace and happiness even  sobriety slipping away, as you spend more and more time thinking about the slight or telling others about it. Eventually, if you don't stop doing it, you'll even get sick.

So what should you do the next time someone betrays you?

Take Responsibility  for your Feelings.

Even though the other person may be at fault, even though the other person wronged you, you are still responsible for your own feelings.

As long as you blame other people for your feelings, as long as you believe other people caused your feelings, you're stuck. You're a helpless victim.

But if you recognize the fact that you choose your feelings and you are responsible for your feelings, there's hope. You can take some time to think about your feelings. And you can decide what is the best thing to say or do.

Then, you've got to learn to Walk Away From Dissapointment. It's difficult to do, but it's possible.

Finally, you need to Forgive. It's difficult, especially when the other person doesn't deserve your forgiveness or doesn't even seek it. It's difficult when the other person is clearly in the wrong.

Part of the difficulty comes from a common misunderstanding of forgiveness. Forgiveness doesn't mean that the other person's behavior is okay. And forgiveness doesn't mean that the other person is off the hook. He's still responsible for his misbehavior.

Forgiveness is about  letting yourself off the emotional hook. It's about releasing your negative emotions, attitudes, and behaviours.

It's about letting go  of the past so you can go forward to the future.

Everyone in your life, everyone on and off the internet is going to disappoint you. If you know how to respond to those situations, you'll be way ahead of most people.

You'll be able to live in sobriety ,above and beyond your circumstances.

hangin.gif

 



Be Part of the Solution...Not the Problem !
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Forums > 12 Step Programs > AA > Old Behaviors



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