i have tried to work this program off and on for the last year or so, and never could get it to work for me, partly due to the fact is i never tried to work it or got involved.

this time around i came at it with a different approach, i got me a sponsor and bought the big book and the 12 x 12 and started reading and will soon start working the steps.

after reading all of chapter 2 and some of chapter 3 i noticed a huge desire to use alcohol, for some reason it became very appealing and elegant (sp) to me. This kind of bothered me, I didn't relapse and don't plan on it, but  was wondering if anyone else had exp. this or a similar situation?

I also became overwhelmed with the idea and fear of being sober for 10, 15, or 20 years and then relapsing, I frantically instant messaged my wife of 15 years and asked "what if I'm sober for 20 years and then relapse?" her answer was to pray...

I also asked "what will make you get tired of it, and finally fall out of love with me, and leave"? she answered, something like i will continue to pray about it.

my new sobriety date is 7-25-08 and am wondering for the folks that tried the program a few times and failed, then dusted there selves off to make a come back, if they ever experienced anything like this. Is this part of my recovery? these fears and anxieties?

Best Regards,

Ty

www.theclosingdays.com

Ty

I've had several times when the thought of having a drink or even out and out blitzed.

For me it's kind of like thinking about an old lover. It’s easy to remember the warm cuddly moments, the wild and fun times, all the great stuff. It's even easy to fantasize about what if...

The fights, disappointments, betrayals are easy to forget.

I can remember those fun times when drinking was a part of the party (or center of it in my case), or those lonely nights when 151 was the solution to filling the void I felt. Many of those nights I had people around me or near me that could have filled those voids, people I was hurting by retreating into booze.

I tend to want to forget those times when I woke up in strange places with strange people (many of them were probably thinking I pretty strange) or the hangovers, the days I wandered through my work and life lost in a daze. I do not want to remember those times when my children and loved ones pulled away from me because of the Mr. Hyde I became as the result of my magic little bottle.

There is another factor involved, the fact that the very root of my brain has been poisoned by the booze that was my best friend for most of my life.

Some of the THIQ that was created by the effects of alcohol in my body has been absorbed by the hippocampus and other parts of my nervous system and is a permanent part of me now. It will exert its effect on me, triggering euphoric recall. It allows me to feel the good parts of drinking as if was happening right now, but of course does not allow me to remember the consequences.

As to your other concerns…

I used to worry about going five, ten years without a drink. To tell the truth there was so much going on in my life when I hit my 10 year mark it passed before I had a chance to think about it.

If I worry about getting drunk tomorrow I will wind up drinking today. I just need to do what is necessary to not drink right now. If I do not drink today I will stay sober through those tomorrows as they become today. And the days have a way of becoming weeks, months and then years.

This September will be my 17^th one sober. I came from not drinking today piled up over a lot of yesterdays.

I can worry about making to 18, but as one old timer used to tell me, worry will do nothing but raise your blood pressure and lower your gratitude and that make a good hole for the next drink to slip through.

You Brother Trudger

hobie