How do I start my day?
Most workday mornings it is by listining to the music (often the Native Americian stuff my wife loves and I've come to enjoy) that is on the CD alarm clock. It's good becuse it tends to ease me awake and make me feel more in tune with the spiritual side of my life. That's a lot better than the buzzer which makes me feel like just a part of the machine.
Many mornings I find my early toughts tend toward prayer these days, (big change from the old days) often while I am stretching out my back and doing some of the mild exercises I've learned in physical therapy (I have a back injury that requires I slow down and pay attention to it). This usually give me a few moments to move my mind from my disease to my solution. But that often does not last too long...
That's usually followed by the attention of five cats that want attention... to their food dishes... and a 110 pound puppy that just wants attention.
It's not easy to get on you knees and pray when you've got a cranky calico sitting on your head wanting to be fed.
Most times I feed them while the Mrs. gets her shower. It's a routine of coaxing the cats into being patient enough for me to get the food to the dish before they attack it. This is usually with the German Shepard patiently waiting to lick the lid, spoon and can... cats... (she's good at getting any food that the felines have managed to wear rather than eat.)
I'm usually too asleep to remember their dry food, so Rue, my better half, takes care of that latter while I'm doing my shower thing.
If Rue is still in the bathroom I can usually hit my knees on the dog's bed at the foot of ours (being raised Catholic I have leaned to appreciated a good pad for the knees at prayer time).
If I am not too awake I often fall into a prayer I've put together from the 3rd and 7th step prayers. If I've got something that's on my mind or am feeling a bit overwhelmed I tend to make the prayer more simple and focused.
I try not to say the same prayers every morning becuase I find that after a while it becomes a litinay that I do not pay attention to rather than some words that I am sharing with the God of my misunderstanding in an honest attempt to communicate and reach out.
For me it's the diffrence between saying a prayer and doing the prayer. I can say a prayer with my mind on anything other than communication with my HP. Doing the prayer forces me to focus my attention on what I am saying and what I really mean.
While I am on the john or in the shower I try to keep that line of communication open and think of the day ahead and what I need and would like to accomplish.
I can not think of a more humble time than when I am on 'throne' so what better place to pray from? What better thing to pray about than the pressures and chalenges I am feeling ahead?
I hate to admit it but there are some days when old thinking and fears creep in and start to run me before I can turn it over for God to run it. Those are often the start of rough days and diffcult mornings.
If I can get my head out of my attitude and spend some time in real prayer and get my attitude readjusted I can turn around the day. It's often a matter of stepping back, looking at what I am doing and making a choice to follow my program of recovery rather than my old program of resentment and depression. (Wow, sounds like 10th step to me).
I usually drive my wife to her job and we get a few minutes to talk about things going on during the day. After that I go to my part time job where I job coach a challenged man through doing the early part of his job.
The great part of that job is that I usually get there early enough that I can sit in the parking lot, read the Grapevine, Big Book or some other recovery related material to further retune my thinking.
If my consumer is having a good day (which is more often than not, in part because of the gifts I've been given and the patience I've learned from you guys) I can spend some time on the net getting caught up on e-mail (I belong to a e-mail men's group) and checking out the posts here in the forum. (Which is what I am doing now.)
Unfortunatly I can not download the spell checker on the computer here so my typos get by to prove my imperfections  . That's ok though I need to be reminded from time to time that I am not perfect, and that just making progress is what its about.
hobie |